So, all this stuff about Donald Trump and the danger of our situation is scary as hell. But don’t worry – I was reading through conspiracy theories on the internet a while back, and it turns out that rescue is on it’s way. The aliens have it worked out. Among the many things I learned in my foray into the world of ancient alien conspiracies are the following (and no I didn’t make any of this up – these are real things that people believe):
Jesus is currently incarnate and working as a secret service agent in the White House.
There is a portal to the New Jerusalem in the White House.
The center of Saturn is a tetrahedron diamond which contains a meeting place for the Galactic Federation.
The flood was caused by planet Marduk going super-nova and blasting all the water off Mars onto Earth.
Noah and his family survived this event by taking their submersible ark to the north pole and going through a portal underground while things on the surface settled.
Jesus used to be a private helicopter pilot in this incarnation and did traffic reports.
He also killed his commanding officer in Vietnam after being given orders to kill civilians and then killed everyone up the chain of command responsible for the order. This is why the book of Revelation says when he returns his robes will be dipped in blood.
The Federal Reserve is being sued by the “Dragon Family” – a Chinese family descended from peaceful aliens who hold quadrillions of dollars in US treasury notes they received in exchange for gold prior to fiat currency
Master Lady Nada has been appointed special prosecutor by the International Court of Justice and will be announcing a plan to re-organize the world economy which includes giving each person $10 million dollars and the arrest of every member and servant of the dark cabal which is currently in control. This will happen before Obama leaves office.
There are cloaked Galactic Federation ships currently stationed above every major city which will reveal themselves shortly after Master Lady Nada’s announcement.
President Obama participated in a secret program which used portals to send people to Mars back in the early 80s.
Patrick Fitzgerald will be appointed acting Attorney General when Master Lady Nada has our Supreme Court disbanded.
I am willing to believe every bit of this in exchange for $10 million.