• Spread the Joy – Enjoying the Hard Life

    hardlifecoverBack in college I briefly dated a guy who taught me how to drive a stick shift. We borrowed my friend Romi’s little Ford Escort and drove around deserted back roads so I could practice. I was awful. My date was very sweet and patient but after several hours of me stalling at every stop and losing speed as I struggled to find the next gear and the occasional grinding, he finally said, “I don’t want to make you feel bad, but it seems like you should be catching on by now.”  Shortly after that, I dropped him off and drove back to my dorm without a single hitch. I never had another problem driving a stick shift after that night.

    The story always makes me laugh because it’s so typically me. It’s like I have to make every mistake possible before I can figure out the right way to do things. And then I’m golden. The downside is it’s probably best to steer clear of me when I’m learning something new. The upside is that on the other end, I can tell you about any mistake a person can make and how to find your way out of it. And it’s in this spirit that I wrote The Upside Down World’s Guide to Enjoying the Hard Life.

    If there’s a counter-productive, neurotic or unhealthy way to approach life, it was probably a habit of mine at some point in the past. In this book, I share 45 of my favorite ideas, practices and attitude adjustments which have allowed me to overcome my worst tendencies and enjoy my often difficult life. The essays are quick, easy to read, good humored and practical. No lectures or theological treatises. Just lots of ideas for how to be more mindful, self-compassionate, forgiving, happy, grateful and at ease with yourself, your life and the people in it. There’s even an index to help you find which essays to turn to when struggling with everything from anxiety to guilt to forgiveness to relationships and more. Continue reading »

  • moon

    Pareidolia

    On a clear late summer night, the woman sat on the edge of a field outside of town to watch the moon rise. In another time, she would have been known as a seer among her people. But times have changed and there’s no demand for seers anymore. Instead, she spends her days performing the dull, essential tasks that modern life demands of all of us. She has sought out a place as far from the city’s light pollution as she can get to, but she knows there’s a great deal she cannot see. What she see is a shadow of what it was when she was a child, far from any city, watching the heavens traverse the sky above her.

    When she was young, she had found it a bit spooky to think that the beauty of a heavenly parade had taken place night after night long before there was any human present to appreciate it. And it would continue after humanity was gone. It is hard for a child to imagine a world which existed before their arrival and would continue after they had departed again. But watching those stars as an interloper just passing through helped the woman make peace with the fact that the world was not for her. It has an existence all its own.

    The moon rose full and bright while the woman watched. It climbed higher into the sky and began to illuminate a bank of clouds – the only ones in the sky. When the thin clouds passed directly in front of the moon, the woman caught sight of two angels who appeared to be carrying the bright orb of the moon between them. She watched as one angel became an eagle. And the other eventually morphed into a serpent opposite a lion. For a few moments, an array of creatures made their presence in the cloud known. The woman was so caught up in the display that it came as a surprise when the clouds began drifting away. Soon the sky would be entirely clear.

    She had looked deep into the cloud and been absorbed in the secret life it carried with it. Although she knew she would soon enough forget this one cloud out of many she had looked deeply into, she had loved it for those few moments.

    The woman was no primitive. She knew that this was just a trick a person’s brain played – seeing faces on the moon and angels in the clouds. God wasn’t sitting around shaping clouds to send her messages. She understood this, but she never quite understood why this made the reality of it any less wonderous. That she had a brain which played such a trick. And that something as simple as a cloud could make that happen seemed amazing in and of itself. The fact that sometimes her seer’s heart could find meaning in the convergence between the tricks of her brain and the randomness of a cloud just made it all the more magic to her.

    With her beloved cloud moving and and the chill of the night breeze picking up, the woman packed up her seat to return to the house where her children were sleeping. Soon she would be asleep as well. In another time, her seer’s dreams would have been seen as valuable and sought-after. But we don’t live in those times. Dreams, like the visions in the clouds, are nothing but more tricks of the brain. And what could be the wonder in that?

    *Pareidolia is the technical term for our tendency to see faces or other known things in random things like clouds.

  • irish proverb

    Bloggy Linky Goodness

    OK, my week had eight days in it this week. But it’s a holiday, so you won’t notice anyways and we’ll just keep it to ourselves, k? BTW, can anyone tell me if hyper-dramatic 6 year old girls ever work the histrionics out of their system. Or is this just our ramp up for her teen years? Cuz if she keeps this up, her bedroom door might end up as damaged as mine is from all the slamming. Although maybe that would help – I haven’t slammed my bedroom door in ages because it’s completely borked now. The doors in this house just weren’t built to stand up to a woman with a difficult marriage and 5 or 6 kids. IJS

    So moving on . . . it’s Bloggy Linky Goodness! I know you’re all so excited. And really impressed with my semi-consistancy with getting this up 6 whole times now. This is amazing stuff from the woman who forms tendencies the way other people form habits. Well, I do have one habit – I read everyfreakingthing. Which is good for you because now I can tell you which things out of everyfreakingthing are most worth reading. Here goes: Continue reading »

  • grocery

    Mary the Grocery Store Lady and Me, Me, Me!

    Last night I went to the local grocery store and saw that Mary had dyed her hair. I was a bit surprised. Mary never struck me as the hair dying sort. The cigarette smoking, beer drinking with her family sort, yes. Mary works overnights at the local grocery store and she kind of intimidates me. She’s not like the nice, cheery ladies who work during the day. Mary doesn’t look at you and she doesn’t care if you found everything you were looking for. She wears prescription sunglasses inside, is thin as a rail and moves like a man. I always think she hates me but I’ve watched her with other people and either she hates them too or that’s just the way she is.

    I always try to talk to Mary. I hate how unfriendly people are around where I live, so I make a point of talking to people when I’m out. It’s my little protest. And I just think it’s right to be friendly. However, I’m actually pretty shy and easily intimidated. So when I run into someone like Mary I have to work up the nerve just to say “hi” and ask how it’s going. I don’t always make it. I feel like she’s so fiercely determined not to look at you and keep her mouth set in a straight line because she doesn’t want anyone to talk to her. But if I don’t even try to talk to her, I’m convinced that she thinks it’s because I’m a stupid, fat cow who thinks she’s to good to talk to a person like her. Which right there is a good demonstration of why it’s not healthy to try to put yourself into the head of a stranger. You’re just making crap up. Continue reading »

  • counting change

    Am I Still A Good Person if I Can’t Pay the Bills?

    My husband wouldn’t want me telling you this, but I’m sitting here waiting for water to heat up on the stove so my girls can take a bath. Because the water heater broke last week and we don’t have money to replace it. But he doesn’t read anything I write anyways. Doesn’t even ask how it’s going or tell his facebook friends to like my facebook page or anything. Because 8 years ago, I had a chance to write a book of grammar worksheets to be considered for publication and didn’t do it. The problem being that I don’t actually know what a gerund is and I was 6 weeks pregnant which meant every trip to the grocery store included a pit-stop in the bathroom for a catnap. But my failure was so disappointing that he just can’t let himself be hurt like that again. So, like some of you, he hasn’t even read the book that I actually did write which, I swear to you, is much more interesting and helpful than a book of grammar worksheets. Anyways, what I was saying is that my water heater is broken. It joins the washer, dryer, 6 car tires, van, sedan, kindle, 3 DVD players, dishwasher, computer and 4 kitchen chairs that have broken in the last year. The upside is that we don’t have to worry too much about paying our past due gas bill for a while longer. Which is good because we don’t have money for that either.

    Fortunately for us, things will be getting better – my husband got a BIG promotion. Yup. It was announced to the company with lots of praise and fanfare and promises of big bucks. Only that was April and it’s now the middle of July and the amount of the raise hasn’t even been disclosed yet. It’s a big secret. But it’s coming! They swear it is. And if that doesn’t pan out one day soon, the hubby got re-ended by Congresswoman Michelle Bachman’s daughter last month. Now his back’s all screwed up so he can sue her for pain and suffering. And then we’ll get a new water heater. (True story, btw. It happened 2 days after he was released from the hospital. We have a very exciting life.)

    But my husband wouldn’t want me telling you all this because also like many of you, he is ashamed of having money problems*. Because of course, good, decent, hardworking people don’t have money problems. I mean, we’re happy to provide immoral lay-abouts with a bit of help so they don’t starve and make us feel bad. Or go feral and take all our stuff - not that we look down on them, mind you. Continue reading »