• What if life's like this? Only without the TV on our head.

    Life as a Video Game

    There are scientists working right now to try and figure out if the universe is actually a massive holograph. Frankly, I’m not really sure what it would mean if it turns out it is. As long as our only awareness is within this realm, I don’t see how knowing that I’m stuck in an intricate projection would change anything. But I do have my own unprovable theory about technology and the nature of our lives which I think could be useful. It’s this: what if we thought of our lives as us taking part in a massive, intense, virtual reality video game? Now, I’m no gamer myself, so I’m sure I’m going to miff some details here, but bear with me.

    See, I think that when we become embodied, it’s like starting to play this virtual reality game. The physical realm is the setting for the game. One of the game’s features is that it’s so all-encompassing, we tend to forget that it’s not reality (or at least doesn’t represent ultimate reality which would be the spiritual world). It seems likely that some of us retain the memory that we’ve entered into this alternate world for a while when we are very young. Thus the common beliefs/reports that infants and small children can see angels.

    Like a video game avatar, everyone gets a body to use during their time in the game. While each of us bears the image of God, these bodies are shaped by a nearly endless array of genetic differences, environmental exposures, quirks of growth and such before we are born. Add the influence of external factors – circumstances, relationships and parents and each of our avatars carry God’s image in completely unique ways as we move through the game.

    Like all games, this one was made with challenges, risks and even unavoidable traps and dangers. In the Christian tradition, there has been a tendency to think that prior to the fall, the world was perfect. Unless you were a plant, because everyone – even the tigers and vampire bats – ate you. But the reality is that God declared the created world “good”, not perfect. All of the evidence we have points to the reality that there have always been earthquakes, sickness, droughts and animals who think we look like a tasty treat. But if we remember that this life is a game, then we can also remember that any game worth playing has challenges and risks or its just not worth playing. Part of what happened at the fall seems to have been that we decided that life – including ourselves – wasn’t good enough. But even with flesh eating bacteria and spiders the size of our heads, the world was made good and it still is today.

    I think that the story of the creation of man can be the story of the day when God said to adam – humanity - “come and see this place I’ve made for you to play in. It has plants and animals, day and night, mountains and valleys for you to enjoy and cultivate. I’m going to start you off in a garden where you can tend to the land and the animals there to start off with. You will be paired as male and female to have children so that everyone can get a chance to play the game and learn and grow there. Some of you will play the game for many seasons and some of you will kind of pop in and out. At the end of your turn, we’ll take a look back and see how you did. There are risks, of course, but I made you very good. You’ll figure out how to advance in the game to deal with these risks over your generations.” 

    I think that the tree in the garden – the one with the fruit man was forbidden to eat from – worked like a cheat in the game. Eating the fruit would take humanity straight from the level we were at to the level that God plays the game at - as one who knows good and evil. The highest level available for the game – in our world, at least.

    God told us that if we ate from that tree, we would die on that day. Which shows how dangerous jumping straight to that level was. On the day we ate that fruit, humanity would be condemned to die. Given that it took a good 6.5 billion years or so for the planet we are playing the game on to be ready for us, and that the creation story condenses that into 6 days, no doubt humanity is still living out that day. The human race is still in danger of losing the game entirely. We certainly have the ability to wipe ourselves out at this point in human history – and may we do so if we don’t change how we are playing the game.

    In this context, the story of our faith is the story of the rescue mission through which God is trying to help us avoid that fate. As it turns out, just as there was a cheat which allowed us to jump to a level we hadn’t earned and weren’t ready to play, there’s a cheat which lets us find our way out again. It works like in a hedge maze where people entering it are told, “if you get hopelessly lost, just keep turning left and you’ll eventually find your way out.” In our case, the fail-safe is love. This was the message Jesus was giving us when he said that the whole of the law was summed up in the commands to “Love the Lord your God [ie Love] with all your heart, mind and being and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” If as we go about our business of raising families, studying bugs, learning to make cakes or whatever we are doing, we would all devote ourselves to love and nothing else, we can find our way safely through. In fact, if we all embrace this, we will not only find our way through, but our game-playing ability will catch up to the level of the game we are playing at. We’ll discover how to use the resources of this good world created for us to sustain it and ourselves. How to treat each other in ways which bring life and dignity rather than oppression and death. The challenge is convincing everyone to stop trying to play the game in the way that seems best to them and instead pay the price of learning to live lives which are expressions of pure love – ie as images of God.

    It’s that convincing everyone to use the fail-safe built into the game which is the real problem we now face. Religious people often like to talk about free will, but only when it’s as an explanation for people going to hell or sinning. But choosing love is as much an act of the will as sinning has ever been. God can’t just descend, tell us what to do and have it be so. We have to choose to live differently than we and our people have been up until this point. In fact, all of scripture can be seen as a record of how through his relationship with Israel, God has sought to take humanity from our own, erroneous and limited understanding of how to play the game and help us choose to re-orient them ourselves to Love. It’s the only way we can be redeemed from the death which we are on a path towards. And at the end of our lives, as we review how we played the game, this will be the standard by which we are judged. How well did we love? How much closer were we able to bring humanity to the day when we’d all be living by Love above and beyond anything else we could be doing.

    Which leads me to an often missed feature about this video game. It’s a group project. Jesus made it clear that we are supposed to be living our lives for the benefit of others, not just for ourselves. The point of the game isn’t just that I would learn to play it well. Rather, by learning to play it well, I will be making the game easier for others to play well. I will be leaving the game in a better working state than it was when I got here. Jesus didn’t pray for us to be good individuals, but for us to be one as he and the father are one. That we would see ourselves working and acting as one unit rather than a separate from each other.

    Jesus even told us that we ought to be willing to give up our lives in order to achieve this goal. Many people think that a good life is a long life and a life cut short is a sign that the game isn’t working or is unfair. But the only good which comes from having a long life is having more time to make the game better. A short life, done well and received well by the people around us, is sometimes the best contribution a person can make to moving us forward in learning to love. At the end of the day, Love is the one and only purpose which will last from this game we are playing.

    So, how’s your game going?

  • you_are_loved

    Do You Know How to Feel Loved?

    Pretty regularly my three year old Olivia will tell me, “Michaela loves me.” Or Noah or Dad or whoever in the family she’s just been dealing with. Believe it or not, this doesn’t just happen when someone hands her a piece of candy. Often it’s just after being hugged or read a book or being talked with. Just simple things that seem to make her realize that she is cared for. As a mother, I don’t think I’ve ever heard more reassuring words come out of a child’s mouth than Olivia’s, “everyone loves me.”

    I know people who would probably think it is unseemly to declare oneself loved. We’re supposed to tell other people that we love them, not proclaim ourselves as loved. Even if it’s sweet for a 3 year old to say such a thing, it would seem weird and awkward for us to say it. However, as much as we tell people we love them – and we should! – what a gift to tell people that we have received and experienced the love they have for us as well. I know from experience – and I’d bet most of you do too – that there is little which is more hurtful than a loved one rejecting our love. To be a parent who realizes that as fervently as they have loved their child, that for one reason or another that child doesn’t feel loved. A spouse whose partner feels unloved after they’ve poured themselves out heart and soul for them. Or a friend who prayed over and sat with a dear one only to hear, “no one cares about me.” As wounding as never hearing, “I love you” can be, “I don’t feel loved” can be even worse.

    Sometimes the people around us don’t feel loved because we’re doing it wrong. But I know a lot of people who simply struggle to experience the love directed their way. They may know that their own love for others is true, deep and passionate. Yet they tell themselves that others are just being nice, don’t know any better, or simply saying what they think they are supposed to say when people direct love towards them. I know I’ve done this. It wasn’t until I had my own daughters that it dawned on me that my own mother might actually have meant all of the kind, encouraging things she had said to me over the years. I knew she loved me, but I had rarely allowed that love to actually touch me – to feel it. Even with my own children, I’ve tended not to allow their love to reach me. After all, kids will love even the crappiest mom – it wasn’t personal. Except of course, it is personal to them.

    It took me a good amount of time as well as being on the receiving end of the “your love can’t touch me” phenomena for me to realize that I was doing this. And that’s it’s not OK. I’d like to say that I realized that it’s not right that someone as lovable as me would not feel loved. But really, what finally got through to me was my middle daughter. She’s a sensitive, passionate girl who sometimes reminds me of myself as a child. And she loves me. As a preschooler she would regularly set-up and invite me to “I love mommy” parties with water in her tea set, crackers on napkins and stuffed animals wrapped in blankets as presents for me. For a while I figured this was her way of getting me to play tea party with her. Then one day I looked at her and remembered how fervently I loved my own mother as a child. And it occurred to me that it was wrong for me not to allow for my child’s love to be just as real and intentional as my own had been. Whatever the reasons for not allowing love to touch me were, it was wrong. And I needed to stop.

    Now I very intentionally pay attention to the love which is directed my way. And as I am given a hug or kind words or a gift, I follow Olivia’s example and tell myself, “s/he loves me”. I will myself to actually experience the love being directed at me – to feel rather than simply know it. And more and more I am able to feel the love that comes my way. But in doing this, I’ve found that there’s something very, very deep in me which resists receiving love. I’m sure I could come up with all sorts of ideas as to why – self-protection after being hurt, lack of trust, not feeling lovable, my sister sneezing in my hair that one time when I was three. Who knows? But of all the false ideas and beliefs which I’ve confronted over the years, this one seems particularly deeply embedded. There’s something about allowing myself to feel loved that feels very uncomfortable and dangerous to me.

    Often when my brain is filled with toxic muck as it is sometime wont to be, I will use a mantra to crowd out everything else. I’ll focus so strongly on a particular phrase or prayer that my brain simply can’t get another word in edgewise. Often I’ll use the Jesus prayer. Or if I’m really struggling, I’ll tell myself over and over, “all you have to do is take a breath. And then another. And another.” The other day I woke up from a night of bad dreams to the sound of my dog vomiting up what looked like squirrel hair on my bedroom floor. And somehow I just knew that I needed to focus my brain on one thought: “God loves me.” Over and over for the last couple of days I’ve repeated to myself, “God loves me”, breathing in on the “God” and out on “loves me”.

    It’s been like magic. Within a couple of hours, I felt better than I have in I’m not sure how long. Yet in the quiet moments, when I’ve been able to really pay attention to this mantra, I’ve found myself wrestling with the idea that God loves me. And it’s felt an awful lot like that same struggle I have with allowing myself to feel loved in general. It feels dangerous, I realized, because some of my hurt has become bitterness. Because at times God’s love has felt like a lie. And maybe the truth is that it often feels like I’m serving a demanding God who just takes and takes from me, until I’m completely drained. Just like I often feel with everyone else in my life.

    But it occurs to me that the real problem is that I don’t get to dictate the terms of God’s love – I just have to accept it as it comes. I don’t get to hold out for something more to my liking. To feel loved by God, I need to forgive God and myself and my life for not being what I thought it was supposed to be. I just have to allow myself to ease into what is and enjoy the ride. Because that’s all I have – the right here and now. Where God loves me. And might my struggle to accept love from other people in my life have its roots in the same realities?

    I’m still wrestling with this hard part of myself that doesn’t know how to be loved. Perhaps it’s like loving itself – it’s an ability, not a feeling or even a choice. Something that has to be learned and nurtured. And yet, here comes Olivia telling me, “you love me.” It makes me think that perhaps if we’d focus a little less on convincing each other of our love for them and a little more on offering the gift of letting each other know that we see and receive their love, we’d all be better for it. And if our own love is received, perhaps it won’t be so hard to allow ourselves to receive it from others as well.

  • lovedoesnthurtyou

    “Love isn’t a feeling . . . It’s an ability”

    One of the things that is both frustrating and fascinating to me is how bad we tend to be at loving. We really think we love people even when we are destroying them. Or we have very loving feelings towards people who experience us as aloof, uninterested and disapproving. We say that another’s happiness means more to us than our own and then make them miserable by trying to impose our preferences and vision for how they should find happiness on them. Just over and over again, we do things which hurt those we purport to love and then get upset with them should they have the nerve to say, “you’re hurting me!”

    lovedoesnthurtyouI came across a post today on the blog “The Registered Runaway” that I want to share with you. We’ve all heard that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. But this writer starts with an even better idea: love is an ability. IOW, it’s a skill we have to learn and develop. It seems to me that we are so bad at loving in part because of our old issue of not ever wanting to be wrong. We want to think that we know how to love when we’ve never put in the time and effort it takes to unlearn our mistaken ideas about love and learn how to do it well. So in the interest of education, I’d like to share a few choice excerpts from this lovely blog post “Love is an Ability”:

    Most of the time, an ability is not given, it is grown. You have to feed it and nourish it and work like hell to make sure it thrives through each and every season. Love is no different.


    I am convinced that saying you love someone doesn’t count as love. I am also convinced that willing your mind to love someone that you’ve never reached out and touched, doesn’t add up to much. . .

    You cannot love someone until you know someone and there is a clear-cut difference between knowing of someone and really knowing someone. You can put people on pedestals, but you can’t love them until you know them. You can leave the word love as the lasting residue of your rant, but you don’t love the folks you’re talking about, not really. . .

    Love surrenders its shoulders to runny noses. It holds no pre-requisite for its remedies and it does not ask for that which is inappropriate. It comes without strings and is abundant in grace. It just wants to sit, just wants to listen, just wants to nod and stay until you’ve said all you need to say.

    Love doesn’t dip into your past like a paintbrush to create an idea of who you must be today. Love asks questions and honors how far you have come. Love doesn’t whisper about you- it converses with you. The most unloving words can be said in the name of love . . .

    Love dwells. It doesn’t stop by on its own terms and convenience. Love is born into the dumpster of poverty. It snuggles with the shipwrecked instead of rolling with royalty. It goes off the map into dangerous territory because there’s a woman at a well that needs to know something. Love selflessly dies for those indifferent to its sacrifice. It rises three days later, because it never ever fails.

    Love is engagement. It is entering into polar opposite worlds. . .

    Growing in love is messy and exhausting and tedious. But little by little it gets easier. Our jagged edges get sanded down. After all the stumbling and tumbling and screw-ups along the way, it will become an essential part of how we live. We will experience it in one another without thinking or trying. We will live to love. Truly.

    I would encourage you to head over to read the whole thing . . . and leave a word of encouragement to the anonymous writer.

    I think I’m going to make this a thing around here – exploring what love actually looks and acts like. So we can work on developing our skill at doing it*. Perhaps this is part of the real mystery of the Christian faith – that God would take so much time, demand so much devotion, endure so much grief over us. To deal with and get us to finally admit that we don’t really know how to do this most basic of things – love. So maybe if we can finally admit our lack and learn to not just feel love, but do love and live love, then God who is love will truly be with us.

    *(If you have something you think would be good for this, feel free to email it to me at ratrotter73@yahoo.com)

  • lovehand

    Love – A Checklist

    Everyone likes to think that they are good at loving. After all, we have really strong, loving emotions so surely we must be very loving people, right? But here’s a hint: if the person you love doesn’t experience you as loving, you’re doing it wrong. So in order to help y’all out, here’s a handy-dandy checklist based on the famous 1 Corinthians 13 verses:

    Love is patient:

    Do you complain that the object of your affection isn’t improving fast enough? Do you get upset that you have to deal with the same problems over and over? Do you wonder why they haven’t gotten their crap together? Or are you willing to allow them the lifetime God has granted them to become who they were created to be?

    Love is kind:

    Do you assume the best of your loved one? Do you step in to tell them how wonderful they are when they are beating up on themselves – or being beat up on by others? Do you help them write the story of their lives in a way which portrays them in the best light possible?

    Love does not envy:

    Do you think that your loved one has it easier than you do and resent them for it? When things go well for them do you get upset because things aren’t going well for you? Do you think that they are getting the better part of your relationship?

    Love does not boast:

    Is it important to you that your loved one recognize your every accomplishment, good dead and sacrifice? Do you feel the need to regularly remind them of what you do for them and how they benefit from being in a relationship with you?

    Love is not self-seeking:

    Do you have a “what have you done for me lately?” attitude with your loved one? Do you think about the things they could be doing for you, but aren’t?

    Love is not easily angered:

    Are you quick tempered when your loved one screws up? Are you using your anger to pressure your loved one into keeping you happy? Do you frequently take offense at things your loved one says or does?

    Love keeps no record of wrongs:

    Do you sometimes throw past errors or intemperate words in the face of your loved one? Do you feel that your loved one is more often in the wrong than you? Do feel that some past sin or error has created an imbalance between you which they need to make up for?

    Love does not delight in evil:

    When your loved one is upset and hurt, do you feel that they had it coming to them? Do you feel like their pain is a small price to pay for getting your way or making your point?

    Love rejoices in the truth:

    Does a “win” for your loved one feel like a loss for you? Would you rather be right than tend to the needs of your loved ones? When your loved one is riding high, do you feel the need to interject some perspective to bring them back down to reality?

    Love always protects:

    Do treat your loved one’s feelings and sense of self- worth as more valuable than winning an argument or getting your way? Do you step in to re-assure your loved one of their goodness and worth when they have been on the receiving end of failure or harsh criticism?

    Love always hopes:

    Do you believe that the best is yet to come for your loved one? When your loved one tries something new, do you assume that their efforts will succeed? Do you assume that your loved one is growing as a person or do you figure that past failures are indicative of future performance?

    Love always perseveres:

    Are you on the look-out for signs that your relationship isn’t worth it? If your loved one doesn’t respond well to your attempts to connect, encourage or love them, do you tend to say, “screw you” and quit or do you persevere? When there is a conflict, do you demand that the other person make the first move towards reconciliation or do you demand that they admit their error and make the first move?

    The reality is that we humans have an almost infinite capacity for self-justification. If you are so inclined, you can always find a reason for treating those around you in ways which aren’t actually loving. But just because you can find a reason to justify being impatient, unkind, quick tempered, hold a grudge, etc, doesn’t mean it’s ok. Don’t get me wrong – there are abusive people in this work and it is healthy and appropriate for us to set boundaries even in intimate relationships. But if you find yourself giving the wrong answer to more than a couple of these questions, that’s probably a good sign that you need to get serious about not just feeling loving, but actually being loving.

    So, on that happy note – I hope you’ve all had a fantastic, loving Valentines Day. Be good to each other out there! :)

  • jerkaboutit

    Why We Christians Suck at Loving

    Is there something about Christianity itself which leads to the sort of oppression which its adherents have too often been guilty of? You know – the inquisitions, colonialism, slavery, pretty much every interaction we ever had with First Nations people in the Americas. To name a few. The standard answer for western theologians is that the Christian faith and its teachings are not the problem – people’s sinful natures are. It’s the, “well those aren’t real Christians” blow off. However, South Korean theologian Andrew Sung Park posits a more honest – and more helpful – answer to this thorny issue of the convergence of Christianity and oppression. The problem as Sung Park sees it is that we westerners see Christianity as the answer to the problem of the sinner. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, so Jesus came and died for our sins so we can be forgiven and all that. Our theology, Sung Park argues, elevates the needs and concerns of the sinner over the needs and concerns of the people sinned against. And therein lies the problem.
    This may seem akin to blasphemy for many Christians for whom the problem of sin and sinners is THE message of Christianity. However, compare our sinner-centered approach to Christianity to the words which Jesus actually spoke.When Jesus started his ministry, this was the text he chose:

    “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind,to release the oppressed,to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” ~ Luke 4:18-19

    Jesus’ most famous sermon – the one which many scholars believe was his “stump speech” – the oratory he gave when he traveled to a new place and crowds gathered to hear him centered on this:

    “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

    “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.

    “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

    “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

    “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

    “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

    “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” ~ Matthew 5:3-12

    When Jesus spoke of the day of judgment, it wasn’t sinners who he focused on:

    “I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’

    “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’

    “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’” ~ Matthew 25:35-40

    Do you see the difference? Certainly, the forgiveness of sins matters. But Jesus’ life and teaching centered on the poor, the blind, the imprisoned, the mourning, the meek, the oppressed, the needy – not on the sinner. He spent far more time speaking of the need to forgive than about the need to seek forgiveness. I think Sung Park is correct in saying that we have erred in putting the sinner and not the weak, the oppressed and the suffering at the center of our faith.

    We see this distortion of our faith very strongly in American Christianity. We are very concerned both as a culture and within our churches with holding people accountable, morality, taking responsibility and upholding standards – all sinner focused activities. But we are far less concerned with lifting our fellow man’s burdens, offering solace to the suffering, refuge to the lost, freedom to the prisoner or liberation to the oppressed. In fact, when we do speak of the suffering, the lost, the prisoner and the oppressed, we use the language of accountability, morality and responsibility instead of the biblical language of solace, easing of burdens, refuge, freedom and liberation. We go so far as to tell people that those things will come through an embrace of accountability, morality and responsibility. But we have it backwards. The problem of the sinner is solved when the needs of the sinned against are met – not the other way around.

    The church is supposed to be a hospital where the sick go to be made well. But when the sinner and not the weak, weary, burdened and suffering are at the center of your theology, the church becomes at best a half-way house where people go to stay out of trouble and at worst a reform school where the way-ward are whipped into shape. And even worse than what it does to the church, is what it does to the way we relate to one another.

    I have known people who have mastered being responsible, who are active in their churches, volunteer in their community and haven’t broken any of the ten commandments in decades who have displayed breath taking cruelty to those near to them when they were weak, suffering and in need. And God-forbid that they had actually screwed up, fallen in the gutter or broken the rules. These supposedly good, Christian people wouldn’t piss on their fallen near and dear if they caught fire in front of them in a desert. Inevitably, their cruelty was justified in the name of demanding accountability, forcing responsibility and upholding morality. And often, the name of love (sometimes tough love) was given to what was nothing more than rank cruelty. When the problems of the sinner are your hammer, the weak, suffering, lost and dying look like nails sticking up out of the wood.

    What is particularly insidious about this distortion of our theology is that not only does it not solve the problem of sin; it creates and perpetuates it. It’s exceedingly rare to find someone raised with kindness, gentleness and tenderness who was cruel to those near to them like this. Back when I did prison ministry, I never met an imprisoned kid who hadn’t been egregiously abused. Hell, on pretty much every episode of Intervention, the addict suffered some trauma prior to starting their downward spiral. Sin creates damage to those who are sinned against. To stop the sinner, you must heal the damaged – they are usually one and the same. Offering forgiveness to the sinner lets them know that they are welcome in the hospital, but if you then stick them in the half-way house or the reform school and tell them to man-up, the cycle of sin will likely just continue from generation to generation.

    The truth is that it is a cruelty to give a starving man fishing lessons. It’s hard to learn anything with an aching, empty belly. Feed the starving man and when he is ready, he can learn to fish and teach his children to as well so that they won’t have to suffer as he did.

    Proverbs 16:25 says “there is a way which seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” Our sinner-centered theology seems right to us. A good number of people have achieved great success by sticking with the tenets of the half-way house or reform school. Or hope to one day. And a great many think that others would also be successful if they’d just get their crap together. But look around – people are suffering. Half of children in America are being born into broken homes. In certain income brackets, more marriages end in divorce than not. There’s a picture going around the internet of a little boy in African laying flat on the ground to drink from a muddy puddle with the caption “so you want a new iPhone 5?” The selling of poor children into slavery is commonplace in some parts of the world. If they are little girls, their slavery is often sexual slavery and it happens before they’ve even gone through puberty. Our way isn’t working. It seems right to us, but keeps leading to death. Even if it’s worked for you – we can’t wait for everyone else to catch up.

    Last night I found my 8 year old awake long after her bedtime. When I asked her if something was wrong, she told me, “I just keep thinking about the kids in my class who are mean to me who I have to give a valentine to even though I don’t like them.” I talked for a while with her about Jesus’ teachings about loving and doing good to our enemies and God’s perfect love. At the end of the conversation she asked me, “how come we have one way that we think we should do things but God always has a different answer that’s better? It’s like we can think of one thing to do and God has thousands of other ways of doing things that you’d never think of.” I told her it was because God made the game – he knows how it’s supposed to work.

    And that’s the deal – God knows how it works. And when he was here walking among us, sinners were a part of a much larger whole. The needs of the sinned against took center stage. I think the time has come for us to repent of having made sinners the center of the faith and set to work repairing the damage created by this error. For that to happen, we make Jesus’ priorities our priorities and his concerns our concerns. To do that we must stop trying to get everyone to act right and simply tend to one another:

    If you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

    Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. . .

    Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.

    Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

    Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. ~ Romans 12: 6-10, 13-21

  • cindy meditating

    Just a housewife in Wisconsin

    Let me share a few things about myself which may not be immediately clear just from reading my blog:

    I became a mother at age 21.

    Last year I took my first commercial flight since I was 3.

    I have never been outside of the USA.

    I have done almost no traveling outside of the Midwest.

    I was planning to be a high school English teacher before I became a mother.

    I have 5 kids and two step-children.

    I am entirely self-taught re scripture, religion, philosophy/rhetoric, psychology, ANE culture, and other topics I discuss here.

    I have never been able to learn a foreign language.

    I have been a stay-at-home mom/housewife for the last 12 years.

    At this moment, I am sitting in my bedroom in a house that can be seen from I-94 in far Western Wisconsin ignoring 3 of my children who are bickering and pretending to be hissing cats.

    All of which is to say that from the outside, I hardly seem like anyone special who would be qualified to speak on anything special.  I’m just a housewife in Wisconsin.  It has taken a lot of chutzpa on my part to keep writing here as if I had anything anyone might be interested in reading.

    And it doesn’t help that I come from a family filled with people who have or are doing things that are much more impressive and interesting than anything I’ve ever done.  My dad and all of his siblings all have advanced degrees.  My dad travels the world as an expert in his field, speaking at conferences, testifying at trials and conferring with policy makers in his area of expertise.  My mother has a brother who is a multimillionaire entrepreneur.  Another of her brothers married into the family that founded a large financial company.  Several of my siblings have spent time living overseas in places like Italy, Poland, Turkey and Uganda.  Between all of them, I can think of at least 15 countries my siblings have visited.  They have earned their way to each of those places themselves.  They’ve had odd, interesting jobs like working on a whale-watching cruise ship, working on a pineapple farm in Hawaii and teaching inner-city kids.  They have hiked through Alaskan wilderness.  It can be a bit hard to be a housewife in Wisconsin, surrounded by so many worldly, impressive people.

    But I know a secret that most people never learn; that the landscape of the human heart is as wild and strange and fascinating as anything in all of creation.  And I don’t have to travel the world or make a lot of money or have a fancy education to explore the human heart.  Being a housewife in Wisconsin works just fine for that.

    A few years back, my beautiful sister Cindy and her husband Greg quit their jobs and spent several months traveling around East Africa, Thailand, Nepal and India.  While there Cindy and Greg stayed at a Buddhist retreat center for a week of silence and meditation.  They kept a blog while traveling and wrote one blog post for each leg of their journey.  As I read the entry from this part of their journey, I had to smile.  They were on the other side of the world  learning and  experiencing things not so much different from what I also learned and experienced as a housewife in Wisconsin. As I read my sister’s account of what it had been like to struggle to tame her mind through meditation, how her awareness increased in doing so and the reward for sticking with it, I remembered many of the points on my own, much less condensed journey along that same path.

    I remember how during long car rides driving my husband to work and my boys to their Montessori school back when we only had one car I realized that my head was filled with a chattering, often pointless, mean and critical voice that needed to be tamed.  I wanted to hear God more easily but had to shut that voice up first.

    I remember having to learn to push impatience aside to just be while reading Hop on Pop and Everyone Poops 30 times in a row.

    I remember listening and letting my brain chatter itself out while doing dishes.

    I remember understanding at an emotional level that we are outnumbered by insects while watching ants move their nurseries when I disturbed them as I turned sod over to make my first garden.

    I remember learning to cultivate quiet in my brain while going about the mundane business of driving and cleaning and walking and gardening.  Where once my brain boiled like raging water,  my consciousness became like the still water of a pond early in the morning.  My thoughts became like the ripples caused by a fish nabbing a waterbug on the surface.  Purposeful, directed, sustaining.

    I remember learning to let my brain pull up the scripture verses I had tucked deep within in response to the various questions, topics and problems that would float into my consciousness through the quiet once the chattering had been tamed.

    On her final day of meditation, my sister was able to enter into the joy of the Loving Kindness Meditation.  I felt a certain amount of pride and gratitude as I read her description of creating and expanding love and kindness out from herself and into the world.  Although I am not buddhist and had only heard about the Loving Kindness Meditation in passing, as I read her description, I recognized the experience.  I knew that prayer, that place, that state of being quite well.  I have sat with it often over the years.

    I remember long ago when I first found that place of loving kindness in my parent’s living room as a little girl, spinning in circles with my arms and heart open wide.  I had started to pray, “God bless my mom and dad.  Bless my brothers and sisters.  Bless my next door neighbors.  Bless the people in my neighborhood.  Bless my town.  Bless my aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents.”  As I prayed (I don’t ever remember saying a real prayer before this one), I brought to mind individuals and skylines and creatures and plants and rocks and maps and continents and oceans and the earth itself with its moon.  I asked God to bless them all as joy rose up in me and I continued to spin in the golden afternoon light.  I asked God to bless the galaxies in all their strangeness and the heavens with all their spirits and all that he had made and all that came before and all that would come after.  And then, when I couldn’t think of what else to ask God to bless, but still feeling the need to extend the love that felt like it was radiating from my chest outwards, I ended: “God bless you.  And God bless me.  Let me be a blessing to you.” and I was satisfied.

    Because you don’t have to travel the world or live in exotic lands to experience great spiritual things.  Being a little girl spinning in circles or a housewife in Wisconsin works just fine.

    *Yeah, this is another repeat from last fall. I’m busy and most of y’all weren’t here last year. I hope you enjoyed it!

  • godislove

    Let’s All Be Fundamentalists!

    I have decided to endorse fundamentalism.  The Upside Down World version of fundamentalism, that is. It works a little differently than the other version.

    First of all, this version of fundamentalism can be embraced by Literalists and Catholics and Episcopalians and Evangelicals and the hyper-religious as well as the spiritual but not religious. With this fundamentalism, it doesn’t matter that we disagree about every-freaking-thing. It’s what we agree about that matters here.

    The second difference is that this version of fundamentalism doesn’t cut you off from other people – it connects you with other people.

    The third difference is the catch, though – this version of fundamentalism demands quite a lot from you. You can’t just mentally agree with it and be in. You actually have to give your heart AND your actions to it.

    The fourth difference is that The Upside Down World’s fundamentalism produces good fruit in your life and the lives of those around you. Unfortunately, for all the best efforts of its adherents, the other kind of fundamentalism can rarely achieve that. Interested? Continue reading »

  • culture-warrior-clay-bennett

    Our Faithless Culture Wars

    A while ago, I finally realized that I needed to take Jesus’ teachings much more literally. He said, “don’t judge” and I said, “I’m not judging, but clearly some things are wrong. It’s not judging to say that.” He said, “love, pray for and serve your enemies” and I heard, “love the sinner, hate the sin.” He said, “do not resist the evil man” and I signed petitions against groups and politicians in order to protect Jesus’ values. Jesus said, “so do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’” and I wonder if we should make plans to attend the financial planning series the church is holding on Thursday nights. Jesus said, “the first shall be last and the last shall be first” and I work really hard to be at least in the top quintile in everything I do. See the problem here?

    So, haltingly and stumblingly and often failingly, I have tried to unlearn the ways we do things here in the world and adopt the Kingdom way of doing things. What I have learned in the process is that what we see as “standing up for Jesus” or “hate the sin, love the sinner” is really a form of faithlessness. We don’t trust God enough to be able to work things out according to the ways that Jesus told us to do them. We fight and opine and advocate because we are convinced that without our help, God won’t get his way. We think that all that talk about not judging and not resisting and not worrying are good – so far as they go. But there are important issues at play here. If we don’t stand up and fight, we could lose! We could be eating cat food in retirement. “God doesn’t get what it’s like down here” is what I’ve sometimes told myself. Only that’s ridiculous – God made “down here.” He came down here and suffered the worst we could throw at him. And God wins. Always, everywhere. Period. Amen. The reality is that every time I judge or fight or worry or try to keep my position, I’m throwing my lot in with the losing side. Really. Think about that and then think about our culture wars and you can start to see why “the church” has failed so miserably in fighting them. And even more alarmingly, how breathtakingly faithless we are. Continue reading »

  • hug yourself

    Loving Yourself, Loving Your Neighbor

    Several years ago, I had an odd experience while in prayer. I don’t remember what I was praying about, and I’m afraid my explanation won’t do it justice, but the essence of it was God showing me what he loves about me. This wasn’t a generic “love of God washed over me” experience. Rather it was quite specific; God was showing me the particulars of how I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. These were things about me that are precious to him and that he has purposed into me. Not only would I not be me without those things, but God would not be able to use me according to his purposes if I did not possess them. But here’s the rub: all of those things God showed me have caused me a great deal of difficulty and pain. I had often wished I could change or even be rid those things altogether. Or at least have them be less-so. And as he showed me these things, it was the gap between God’s love for how he has made me and how I felt about it that really struck me.

    At the time that this happened, I had a spiritual advisor who I met with monthly. When I shared this experience with her she murmured, “the touch which reveals desolation.” Yes. That it was. (I forgot to ask her where the phrase was from and have never been able to find its source. If anyone knows, please do share!) You would think that having God show me these things as what he most loves and finds precious about me would have changed how I felt as well, but it’s never quite that simple. (My infuriating complexity would be one of those things God pointed to, of course. “You have hidden these things from the wise and learned” indeed.) Instead, what that touch did was say, “this is my view of you. I want you to learn to view yourself the same way as well.” Continue reading »

  • When a Clown Loves You

    Doll by Jolene Nelson, AKA Locket

    The room looks and smells not too different from the library in the middle school I attended while growing up.  Walls lined with books.  A floor covered with short, blue looped carpet.  Encouraging posters dominated by animals reading books are pasted to any wall without shelves.  Florescent lights buzz overhead.  The room smells like books do when the humidity from hot Chicago summers seeps into their pages and yellows them.  Missing are any of the trappings one finds in school libraries these days.  No computers or technology of any sort.  A typical, old school library; except this one isn’t in any school building. It’s on the lower level of a juvenile prison. Continue reading »