There’s an article at Christianity Today about marriage which I found kind of intriguing. It’s called “Just Because”. In it, the author talks about how her husband has a habit of bidding on large items on ebay which are “pick-up only” and are located across the country. So they end up making weekend trips across the country to pick up motor homes, home gyms, motorcycle trailers, etc. (These are obviously people with more money and several fewer young children than myself.) The first time her husband bid on a pick-up only item 5 states away, she resisted the urge to throw a fit and shut him down. Now it’s become a way for them to occasionally get away together and just hang out and have fun.
Which is all well and fine for people not tethered to the house by kids who have money to blow. However, her larger point is that we can become so practical minded, that we pass up opportunities to just have fun with our spouses. I know I’ve been guilty of this. My husband is more of a dreamer than I am. I tend to have an exhaustive list of reasons why something won’t work and doesn’t make sense. I’ve worked very hard at toning it down over the years because I know it bothers him and is a kill-joy. However, it is really, really hard for me to do. Some of the best advice I’ve gotten about this came from my mom who said, “that’s when you say, ‘it would be great if you could do that’ and then go say a prayer that he doesn’t actually try.”
Of course, it does go both ways; further into the article the author says:
Good marriages have husbands who have said yes to shopping and the opera and hitting every historical marker along the side of the road during a vacation (if that’s their wife’s “thing”). Good marriages have wives who have said yes to fishing and drag racing and investment seminars and auto shows and Civil War reenactments and the Sybaris.”
I was all ready to be crabby that my husband is unwilling to participate in things that I enjoy like hiking and gardening (I can hardly get him to even come out to look at my garden – he keeps saying, “can’t you buy this stuff at the store?”). After all,at least I will go with him to his cigar shop to hang out! Then I got to this:
Throw out your scorecard. The reality is that while you may say yes, your spouse may still seem to always say no. Keep saying yes. The point isn’t keeping score; it’s celebrating the joy of connecting as a couple.”
Ah, the score card. The destroyer of marriages and willing spousal servitude everywhere. So self-satisfying. So evil. Sigh.
Anyhow, it was a thought provoking article. It’s a reminder to be more aware and more careful to find those points of connection, even when they’re not my style or impractical. And maybe I’ll just forward this article to my dear hubby to see if we can prod him into doing the same. Not that I’m keeping track or anything